Tuesday, January 17, 2012

School Days

I hear it.  I see it.  You don't even have to try to find the words to tell me what you're feeling.  I know.  Your stomach is turning.  Your eyes are looking downward.  Your hands are grabbing and twisting your hair as you start to rock back and forth with straight, robot like legs.  I know you want to tell me what is going on.  I know you are trying your best to find words, any words to tell me. I'm trying my best to read you and fix the situation at school. 

Most people want to be different and stand out but you want to fit in.  You want to be like everyone else.    You want to visually see things like us but you see things differently.  I am not able to physically see what you are seeing.  I can only imagine.  You want to speak like everyone else and not have to hear others say, "What was that?  Can you say that again?" or be dismissed because they can't understand your words.  I know you are distracted by smells and sounds that not everyone else can smell or hear.  Your sensory feedback is debilitating at times.  I get that when there is too much going on you need to be 'buried' under your stuffed animals in order to feel normal again.  It took me a while but I'm getting it. 

You are frustrated because things aren't easy.  I am frustrated because I feel like others don't want to listen and fix things for you.  Mommy has left messages and sent e-mails to people who can change things and make it better for you....they just aren't getting back as quickly as we'd like. 

I'm so sorry that things will not be fixed by tomorrow morning and you have to experience this again.  Please know that I am working on it.  I spend my waking hours trying to help you.  I spend my sleepless nights going over everything that happened that last day and what will happen the next.  You are different and you do stand out but I will try my best to get you what you want.  To fit in and be like everyone else in that classroom. 

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