Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Sunday Sickies Suck

Yesterday was Labor Day and I get that it was Monday but the Sunday Sickies appeared anyway.  What are the Sunday Sickies?  It's when my boy gets so filled with anxiety about the new school week that he starts pleading and begging not to go back to school.  I feel horrible seeing him that way but homeschooling for us isn't an option plus once he is back, he loves his school, kids and teachers in his autistic support class and the typical classroom. 

Last night was a bit different.  Last night he threatened to run away.  Went all out and even wrote a note.  I didn't get to read the whole thing but it started off like 'Deer Famile' then he hid it from me.  Fortunately for us, he told us where he would run away to and luckily it wasn't far; right across the street exactly.  I spoke to my neighbor to give her a heads up in case he did come over to her house one day.  When he was a little guy he did wander off.  One of the scariest day in my life. 

Back to "I'm outa here." 

I gently explained that the neighbor didn't know where his swim lessons are so I'd better go ahead and cancel swim with Miss Allison.  With that, he ripped up the note, immediately calmed down and went to play with Ruby the Rescue Therapy cat.  Boy, I love that cat. 

We got through last night but what about the future? Not sure.  He hasn't been on any type of anxiety meds yet.  We are big into teaching him his own coping methods and to work through things.  I'm also looking into all natural calming methods.  Essential Oils are on the way! If they don't help then maybe anti anxiety meds may be the next step. 

In the mean time we have Ruby the Rescue Therapy Cat to help. He loves her and she puts up with him.  Lol. She needs a cape right?     

Ruby the Rescue Therapy Cat helping to ease my son's anxiety.


Monday, June 16, 2014

Shopping for Gifts

At the end of each school year I like to give a gift to all the wonderful people who have worked with my son throughout the year.  Most of us do, I think.  For my daughter, it was easy.  She is NT and has one teacher.  One teacher = one gift.  My son, on the other hand, has a teacher plus a bunch of aides and professionals.  He is autistic and is in an autistic classroom.  Every year I try to figure out the perfect gift to give these professionals to express my gratitude, all unnecessary, but I still do. 

As usual, I turned to the Grape Jelly on Pizza Facebook page to see what others are giving and many of you had awesome ideas!!  We all had one thing in common, many people work with our children and we didn't want to spend too much money. 

Not sure what to do, I went to the source and asked my son.  We went down the list of adults who work with him and he knew right away what two of them definitely had to have.  So, I decided to take it to another level and with a budget in mind, we went to my son's favorite store of all time....Walmart. 

With the list in hand, he took his time and picked out the gift he wanted to give each individual.  This year, there were only 6 at the school.  We were lucky.  I saw it in his eyes that he really thought about what each person should receive.  Some I was like, "Are you sure?"  When he absolutely was we bought it.

When we got home, he wrote out thank you notes.  When I say that, I mean the front of the card said Thank you so he wrote his name on the inside the wrote the person's name on the envelope.  We dug out all the gift bags we had received over the years and he went thought each one to put each gift in.  Someone received a Valentine's Day bag but I let it go. 

It was fun to see his take this from beginning to end.  As a mom, I find it hard to let go and not to take over but I think he handled it perfect.  I'm sure the receivers will think so also. 



Six gift bags all ready to be dropped off at school.  He did
a great job picking each one out.  Very proud of my boy.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Siblings

Siblings.  My two are close in age and some days it seems like they continually argue and pick on each other.  Many years ago I had my son enrolled in karate to see how he would like it.  Long story short, after about 5 months, I pulled him out because I was the one getting the workout.  Getting him into the car and eventually into the dojo would make me break out into a sweat, not to mention I had his little sister with me and her bag of things to do.  All this work for 1/2 of him not listening, making faces in the mirrors and yelling and screaming.  So he didn't go anymore. 

A little over 3 years ago my daughter decided she wanted to give karate a try and being familiar with this dojo and the sensis, I enrolled her.  It ended up she really enjoys it and has started her black belt testing which is a series of 5 days of tests.  Very intense.  Here's the thing, he loves to watch her and encourage her but hates to be in the waiting room.  I can't tell you how many hours she has waited for him in waiting rooms, most of the time without complaining and he can't stand waiting for her.  Not one bit. 



A picture he took of his feet in the
Karate waiting room.
In the beginning, he refused to even go into the building;  it was an awful waiting room experience.  We even had his BSC meet us there to work on his coping skills.  We should show up with a backpack filled with stuffed animals or let him play on my phone or bounce a ball or whatever his preferred was.  We had lots of sensory toys also and pressure activities.  Sometimes I would even park in the front and have him wait in the car for her but that used to make me incredibly nervous.  I believe it was the actual waiting room with yellow walls and florescent lighting that would drive him crazy, not to mention all the parents and siblings also waiting.  Sensory overload at its finest. 


He watches her through the glass and
 tells her, "Great Job!"
After all these years and all the belts she has gained, he has never attended a graduation until the end.  We usually took 2 cars and hubby would leave with him after he had too much, which was usually after 15 minutes but 3 months ago....he insisted going into the dojo packed with people and stay for the entire graduation!  This was big, I mean HUGE!  After she earned that 3rd degree brown belt we started talking about May, she would be testing for her black belt.  He repeats, "Black belt in May?" many times a day.  He also checks the calendar to make sure May is coming.  This makes my heart so happy that he working on his coping skills so he can be a part of this, encourages her daily and is genuinely excited about her accomplishing her goal.

 I can almost guarantee he will be in the dojo cheering her on.  She is his biggest fan and vice versa. 


Thursday, April 24, 2014

When you are at your Witts End....then what?

Have you ever had one of those days when nothing goes right?  You are exhausted and can't seem to wake up.  Coffee doesn't work, candy doesn't and you don't even have enough mental capacity to do anything?  Your stress level soars out of control.  You can't seem to get it together and then to have a screaming toddler who keeps coming at you and at you and at you.  What do you do?

A long time ago when he was little, that was one night at our house.  One night I hate.  It was awful and I don't even like to think about it.  I choose to look on the positive side of things so going back gets me rattled.  People read about many good things that go on in my son's life, our lives and I prefer that but let's get real.  There are also dark sides to having a child with autism. 

This one particular night was horrible.  He was so little.  We didn't know he was autistic.  I had a newborn.  When my son was little he never slept.  I had no idea how he could even function.  It seemed so odd.  He would wake up every 3 hours and was like that for so many years.  Every single night he would get up.  Then add breastfeeding a newborn to that one and guess how much sleep I would get?  Sometimes hubby and I would be talking and I would have absolutely no idea what the heck he would be talking about.  There are events, days, weeks that I couldn't recollect and it still happens.  Sleep deprivation. 

Back to the day.  There was no sleep for me.  My son was particularly cranky and wanted full on attention that day.  It was difficult for me to juggle the two kids because I wasn't able to think clearly.  That early night, my daughter was sleeping and I needed a moment to myself.  Just 5 minutes.  That's all I wanted.  I put my son in his room and he started crying then yelling then screaming.  Screaming.  That's all I heard.  I had had it.  He needed to stop because if he woke up his sister I swear!!  Hubby was working long hours and he too wasn't getting much sleep either.  He needed to work...he was the only income.  All my son had to do was go into his room, filled with toys for 5 minutes so I could regroup myself.  That doesn't sound like much.  Just 5 freaking minutes.

But no.  No.  No.  No.  The screaming was loud, I was starting to freak out.  I kept putting him back in his room and trying to shut the door but he kept running after me straight to the door.  Over and over again.  I started crying.  He was screaming.  I started yelling.  He kept screaming.  I was yelling and sobbing at this point and trying to keep him in his room.  All I wanted was to close the door.  5 minutes.  All the sudden my husband came up the stairs and started grabbing my arm and yelling at me.  I didn't know what the hell was going on.  I started to put my son back into his room and hubby started yelling at me.  Crying, sobbing I lost it.   I turned to hubby and told him to get my son out of my face.  I ran down the stairs and outside.  Sobbing.  I couldn't believe what was happening.  I lost it.  I didn't hit him.  I wanted to screaming to stop.  I only wanted 5 minutes to myself.  Just 5 minutes. 

This night still haunts me.  I feel like it was such a low as a parent.  I don't like to think about it.  I had no where to go for peace and quiet.  There wasn't anyone I could talk to that would understand.  I felt so alone.  We felt so alone, hubby included.  So when the Grape Jelly on Pizza readers tell me how they feel I do understand.  We all go through this at some point and if you don't, then you are blessed.  Go ahead and tell me about your lows, you won't be judged.  You will find others do understand. 

That was so long ago.  Things have changed.  My son now sleeps for the most part which means I catch some Zs also.  We also have a great relationship.  That will be another blog, another day. 

He was only 19 months when he refused to sleep in his crib
anymore, so he got his big boy bed. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Wandering....Take Two

Earlier this month I shared his very first wandering event when he was 3.  Took my breath away but he was brought back to us safe and sound.  The following story happened when he was 4 and this was the last time he tried to take off. 

Spring cleaning time at my house.  I couldn't wait to open up the windows and air out the place but the windows were horrid so that was my first job of the day.  Little did I know the day would end with a locksmith at my house and hundreds of dollars spent on security; our security knowing he wouldn't get out. 

I was in our side room and my son was playing.  His kind of playing at age 4 was mostly banging, throwing and verbal stimming.  Hyper vigilant.  That was me.  I always made sure I heard him and could always see him.  I took my Windex and paper towels and went into the side room to clean some windows.  As I was about half way through I realized I didn't hear banging or stimming so I called out.  He didn't answer so I walked into the living room only to see a side door to the alleyway wide opened.  My heart sank.  Not again!  It had been less than a year ago when he slipped out the front door and took off down that very same alley.  I ran outside and ran to the front of the house only to see a glimpse of his bare feet running as fast as he could to the local college.  He was fast approaching a busy road.  I never ran so fast.  Caught up to him, picked him up and carried him back into the house, locked the doors and told him not to ever do that again.  He started to play in the living room again so I went back into the side room to finish up my windows. 

Wouldn't you know it, that little stinker did the same exact thing.  This time I was listening out for the door but didn't hear it.  I picked up my Windex bottle and saw him outside running past the window I was about to clean.  Same thing happened and I brought him back into the house.  At this point my heart was racing because he learned how to unlock and get out that particular door.  Seriously, how was I going to ever keep this kid inside this house! 

I called my husband at work and we decided to immediately call a locksmith to get some key locking deadbolts.  The locksmith was at the house within the next 2 hours.  All that time, I didn't even use the bathroom because I had a feeling this kid was going to take off again.  Its like tunnel vision and that was all he wanted to do now.

When the locksmith came, I told him of our dilemma but he refused to put key lock deadbolts on all the doors for safety reasons.  After I calmed down I realized he had a valid point.  Safety.  What if there were a fire.  OK, then what?  He thought about it and came up with this lock.  He called it the hotel lock.  They were installed on all the first floor doors.  *For some reason, that particular house had 4 first floor doors.*  Considering he was only 4 he couldn't reach them so we had them installed and it kept him safe, this was until he figured out if he took a hanger or long toy he could swing it open but that wasn't until a few years later. 

So in my experience, even though you are with them, they can still take off right under your nose.  Do what you can to keep them safe before something happens.  Door chimes and locks will help at least deter them for a while.  What do you use for your doors?

This worked for years until he figured out how to swing
it opened with a hanger or long toy. 

Friday, April 4, 2014

It Started Off Good

This past weekend was like any other weekend, busy.  We usually keep busy because my son loves to be on the go, go, go.  There was a Special Needs Expo and the kids really wanted to well, go!  They do love them.  It is sorta like Trick or Treat.  Mom gets to visit with vendors, maybe learn something new and they come home with bags of pens, paper, candy and toys.  And that is where it gets ugly.

Toys.  This is a vendor fair so the 'toys' are maybe 5 cents each but are treasured keepsakes to my son.  The tables where you get to spin for a prize is highly preferred.  We runs to this table and spins for a prize.  It lands on clapper.  You know what these are right?  I believe they fall into the musical instruments category but are mind numbing to others because of the loud clapping.  My son loves them but the only color they had out was pink.  He hesitated and the woman told him she will look in the bag for other colors.  She whips out silver, blue and gold.  GOLD!!!  He wanted the gold one.  He found his prize possession of the day.  He slips it into his bag as to protect it and not let anyone near it.  We go home.

At home the kids empty out their bags on the dining room table to ooh and aah and to of course, devour any candy they have collected.  He then starts clapping his clapper then the unthinkable happens.....it snaps.  "Oh no" he says.  "Oh boy" I say. 

"Fix it Mommy.  Fix it."  Let me see it.
"Fix it!!"  His anxiety is starting and elevating rapidly.
I don't think I can honey.  It snapped.
"Fix it!!  We need the toy Doctor....NOW!"

Then it happened, he went into full meltdown mode.  Two hours of crying, sobbing, yelling, and slamming.  All over a less than 5 cent gold toy.  The day ruined.  All over this freakin' toy. 

When he goes into meltdown mode, we make sure he is safe but then stay away.  He has the tools to calm himself down and will use them.  He got quiet, came downstairs and started with me again about taking it to the toy doctor.  I told him it was broke and saw the anxiety starting all over again.  I don't like to every lie to him but since it was Saturday, I told him that I would take the toy to the doctor on Monday while he was at school.  This bought me some time so when he gets the news that the toy can't be fixed, hopefully he won't be so quickly to rise. 

His prized possession, the gold clapper.

Sunday morning he came downstairs, found me and told me he was sorry.  I asked for what and he said he was sorry for crying and yelling.  I told him it was alright and that I understood.  Then he gave me a hug.  He has come so far managing his meltdowns.  It made me so proud of him. 

Thursday, April 3, 2014

A Simple Day, Throwback in Time


Two summers ago we made the difficult decision to move into a different school district for my son's sake.  This particular day, he was having an extremely hard time in the new house so I stopped unpacking and said, "Let's get out of here."  We didn't go far and ended up at the Fish Hatchery...just the two of us.  I took some pictures of him feeding the fish and before we were ready to leave, he asked for my phone.  Then he told me to 'stand in the fish'.  Notice the little fingers while he took my picture.  We both needed the break and extra bonding time.  While I don't like to see pictures of myself, this is one of my favorites because he took it.